I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
