I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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