you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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