I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
