I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
