Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
