Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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