fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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