And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
