Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
