I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
