You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
