? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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