Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
