Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
