Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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