Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
