i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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