Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
