Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
