Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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