it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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