He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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