I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize