We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
