everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
