So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
