i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
