Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
