Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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