Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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