Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
