I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Randomize