Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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