i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Also, beer. Big fan.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
