with your own penis?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
