I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
