Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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