Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I want a musical about memes.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
