If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Randomize
