How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
