It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize