I'm lost and stupid without you.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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