Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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