worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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