Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
