Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Is it penis luge time yet?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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