i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
