also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Rumble strips road head = magical
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
