i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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