is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
