just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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