There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You pole danced in your parka.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize