I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
