Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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