I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
God I need to hump something, right now.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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