When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
