somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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