nut hugger
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
