Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
