when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
