I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
