you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize